This feeling...

I dont like this feeling I have inside of me.
He makes me someone I 'feel' I'm not.

He makes me feel so angry.
He makes me feel so ugly.
He makes me feel so depressed.
He makes me feel so insecure.
He makes me feel so low.
He makes me feel like I can't do anything.
He makes me feel like I'm nothing.
He makes me feel like I'm lost.
He makes me feel so dependent.
He makes me feel so everything but what I what I should feel
in a safe, committed, loving, and unconditional relationship.

We're fracking 30 with 4 kids.
When do we grow up.
When do we communicate like adults?
When do we start having the same goals for our family, our children, our days, our evenings, our weeks, our years, our future, our savings, our daily budget, our life, our relationship?

When will this feeling inside me grow beyond what I feel, without falling out?