Giving up...

Everyday, I find myself finding, knowing, and learning more about life everyday.
My own life, my own families lives, the lives of the strong Hmong women that
have gone through so much, and still live to tell it everyday.

If we can get past this midlife crisis stage and be old, maybe we might be fine.
I don't know what to do, I'm drowning in truth. And the truth hurts. No more
childlike disillusion, no matter how much I try to cover it up, the truth of life
and getting old keeps poking its head up.

You never know, it may happen to you, how will you deal with it? How will you go on?
How can you win this fight for life, with your husband, with your kids, with yourself, with health.

When I think about it, I feel like giving up and think 'what if' I didn't take this path?
What if, I would never had had so many years of good with my husband, with my kids,
with my extended family. What if? What if my life was worse...what if it was better?

When I think about, just let it all fall into fate, then I think to myself, is fate really real?
Or do I manipulate my life to be where I would like it to be, to where I want it to be?

I've come this far, I don't want to just jump off, and fall into the darkness of fate...
I can't jump off, I can't fall now, I have come so far, I must go on, I must climb up
on this cliff, and make the best of my life, wherever it takes me. Letting my life be
what it is, and not live in envy, jealousy, or fear of whats to come or what has happend.

I must learn to just live. Just breathe. No one can be perfect. Nothing can be perfect.
Survive. Don't quit now. Things happen for a reason, and if good things happen, then
accept them humbly, if bad things happen, accept them as obstacles to overcome.

I have to just breathe and live.
I love my husband. I love my kiddies. I love myself. I love life.