Sunny Day

Everyday begins with the sunshine, but you manage to gloom it down
with the clouds you have that surrounds you.

Everyday I wake up hoping that today will be better, but then you
manage to remind me that it's worse than yesterday.

Everyday I hope that today will be the day you realize you love and
respect me, but then you manage to remind me that you don't.

Money can't buy what I want from you, I want unconditional love, time,
patience, and kind words. But you manage to remind me that you work so
hard to give me everything else, so FUCKING appreciate!

Can't run away and hide from what we started, we've made all these
scars n dents along the way, it's not fair to each other, that we
don't try harder, it's not fair to our children.

I wish I could make you see that I'm not the bitch you label me to be.
I wish I could make you see that I'm not trying to be against you, but
trying to be your partner. I wish everyday could be a good day. I wish
everyday could be better than yesterday. I wish you could see that I'm
not out to make your life miserable everyday, I'm not that evil, it
would take too much of my energy.

And so I hope for the best today, almost knowing, that it'll be, what
we make it...

Sent from my iPhone

* Say something nice today, because tomorrow could be too late.

PaFoua

Now Hiring...

someone to listen to my every complaint
someone who knows my faults annoying habits my ugly
and still loves me for me
someone to keep my secrets a secret when i tell them
someone to know that i try my hardest to be what everyone else likes, wants, needs,
but doesn't judge me when i'm let go of myself...

I promise to give you the same in return.

The ONLY Girl...

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...

Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man, yeah
Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only one...

This feeling...

I dont like this feeling I have inside of me.
He makes me someone I 'feel' I'm not.

He makes me feel so angry.
He makes me feel so ugly.
He makes me feel so depressed.
He makes me feel so insecure.
He makes me feel so low.
He makes me feel like I can't do anything.
He makes me feel like I'm nothing.
He makes me feel like I'm lost.
He makes me feel so dependent.
He makes me feel so everything but what I what I should feel
in a safe, committed, loving, and unconditional relationship.

We're fracking 30 with 4 kids.
When do we grow up.
When do we communicate like adults?
When do we start having the same goals for our family, our children, our days, our evenings, our weeks, our years, our future, our savings, our daily budget, our life, our relationship?

When will this feeling inside me grow beyond what I feel, without falling out?

Finally

Finally, I got my blog to work from the iPhone of my life.

Sent from my iPhone

* Say something nice today, because tomorrow could be too late.

PaFoua
Cell (651) 260-6048

Its me

My focus on his family and friends, is and was never what he wanted.
I thought that my focus on him and what he 'wanted' was what he wanted.

I didn't realize that he wanted me to focus more on his frustrations.
Although, he gets frustrated everyday, what's the fucking difference,
I thought, but really...I cause it, I caused it.

He wants me realize and be more sympathetic to what he 'feels' an
not what he 'wants'. I can do that. I love him, why not.

But when he says that this roller coaster ride, feel free to not include him
in that, its not what he wants...well, I take it to heart. I left the room after that,
it was the last hurtful words I wanted to hear....

Why do I have to think its all about me.

Making it Official 2010

My request this year it to make it official.
No more LV purse, no more vacation weekend, no more dinner,
we can do that any time we want.

We have come a long way.
At 14 we met, we fell into puppy love.
At 16 we made a life commitment, despite our youth and our families.
At 17 I was working on the ginsing farm with you and your family.
At 18 we brought ThimXa into this world
and then added Izabella, AudreyAna, and Ezekiel to complete our family.
Now at 33, through the good and the bad we've come a long way to have
made it to 17 years of marriage, four children, and a business...

I'm ready and happy that we are going to make it official.
I'm so proud of us.

I can't wait to share our 20th anniversary, on the island, with our closest and dearest family and friends.

We've come so far, worked for so much.
This year, I'm ready and want to share your last name.